heretosaveyouall

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hopeless pedantic

I wanted to tell you
That my mom was sick
She was strong & I was at my weakest since my brother slipped forever
But whatever, we don’t need to talk about that
Alas through my paranoia and tobacco riddled anxiety
She would be ok

I wanted to tell you
that I cry more than most people
Especially during the part of the movie where
I can't remember
But you know the one where the crescendo truncates
And he promises her whatever is
She wishes to be promised

I wanted to show you
My favorite painting
Those lofty strokes and sharp lines creating the right light around a blue tunic and sure footing on the morning star
When color was black & white
Yes, those moments when religion meant everything
 
I wanted you
to hear my favorite song
But then you kissed me
Before that wall of sound could swallow that third verse
Before the violins could be whip stroked
Before I was just going to fuck you
And stream something else

I wanted to tell you
That there is a bigger dick out there
Filling all of your existential regret
and satisfying your unwanted needs  
Attached to someone far more important
with longer hair
and a mom and dad who love each other

I wanted to tell you all of this in the mere moment we had
Standing before an open minded stranger
Elbows propped eagerly along the marble
Stretching a hand out across an ashtray
I wanted to tell you
It's not you
It's me
But we both know after 3 glasses of Malbec
And one deeply destroyed waiter
This isn't true

I wish I would have told you
That I am not afraid of getting old
I am afraid of feeling old
Out of touch with whatever happens to grow around me
Having no room to absorb or breathe anything but time’s ailments
Nervous nails & the black & white hair you called distinguished
Which only serves to remind me, that someone has died
& I have lost so much
& still, will have nothing to leave behind

I wanted tell you
It's not because you aren't pretty
It's cause you act ugly
It’s cause you think I am stupid when I act smart
It’s cause you lie professionally, to survive

I wanted to tell you all of this
All you wanted, was for me to buy your drink

Max BarsnessComment
Poem within

assuming gold and leather

feel the same, in heaven and hell

betting on love like a macerated grape

you assume, tastes as good

as it smells

#heretosavela

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Max BarsnessComment
he is not his job, he will become his art

as I slip my mind from lubricated attempts at raindrops forming silence
to the small, haphazard lil boy
emboldened with rage and plastic explosives
caring more about an 8bit loss
than who or what goes where
in the milieu of anatomies

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Max BarsnessComment
In the emptiness I found enough

I don't think I ever wanted to be a photographer. It wasn't anything I specifically found interesting or difficult. Full disclosure I have suffered from OCD my entire adolescent life. What started as a drunken lust for wandering the streets of Los Angeles, evolved into a passion for the lines of brick and mortar and controlled chaos of nature.

 

#heretosavela

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Max BarsnessComment
happy earth day

grab a green juice

make a flower crown

drive out to the desert

make up science

exploit American exceptionalism

take a picture

post it

tag the earth

it will last longer

#heretosavela

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Max BarsnessComment
neither art nor artist

How to become insta famous:


Don't change your style. Stick to one color grade. Only pick one subject; preferably the historically vulnerable but still sexually palatable. Only go to places your followers can't go cause they can't afford it or go to places your followers live cause that's all they can afford. Blue! Every motherfucker loves blue! Oceans and skies and the infinite of fuck you too. Tag famous people not because you want their attention but because you NEED their attention. Trust me, you are right, they are just like you.


But also.


Here is a gate, with a lock, that goes nowhere, fast

#heretosavela #fuckyoupayartiststothinkforyou

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Max BarsnessComment
Sanforized

so desperate for positive affirmation

I have abandoned logic and criticism

for digital sanitation

stimulated

by other's mutual masturbation

#heretosavela

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Max BarsnessComment